The Weight of Giving: When Love Feels One-Sided
We often talk about the power of influence—the ability to shape, teach, and guide. But what happens when the effort feels like it’s going one way? When you pour into someone, trying to help them grow, yet their actions don’t reflect your lessons?
This is a struggle I know well.
As a martial arts instructor, mentor, and someone who cares deeply about the next generation, I have invested years into certain students, hoping to see them rise into strong, disciplined, and high-character individuals. Some do. But others? They resist, forget, or seem indifferent to the lessons I tirelessly teach.
And that, at times, is crushing.
Because when you give from the heart—not for validation, not for praise, but simply because you believe in them—you hope for even the smallest sign that your presence has made a difference. And when that sign doesn’t come, it’s easy to wonder: Am I wasting my energy? Am I speaking into empty space? Do they even care?
The Reality of Growth: Unseen But Never Unfelt
What I’ve come to realize is that growth doesn’t always happen in front of you. It doesn’t always show itself in a moment of clarity, where the person suddenly changes and expresses gratitude. Sometimes, the impact we make doesn’t surface until years later—long after we’ve stopped looking for it.
It’s like planting a seed in the winter, unsure if it will ever bloom. But just because you don’t see the roots growing beneath the surface doesn’t mean they aren’t there.
Some students will take years to process the lessons you gave them. Some won’t realize your value until they face a moment in life where your words come rushing back to them. Some may never say “thank you,” but that doesn’t mean they didn’t hear you.
Strength With Boundaries: Giving Without Losing Yourself
The hardest part of being a mentor, teacher, or leader is knowing where to draw the line. Because if you give endlessly without receiving any form of acknowledgment, it can start to dull your light. It can make you feel like you’re running on empty.
So, how do you protect yourself while still giving from a place of love?
Detach from the outcome.
Your job is to guide, not to force. The weight of their choices is theirs to carry, not yours.
Recognize the ones who do grow from your efforts.
Don’t let one unresponsive student make you forget about the dozens who have flourished because of you.
Take moments to refill your own cup.
The giver needs to be given to as well. Whether it’s through mentors, friends, or personal reflection, find your own source of strength.
Allow space for them to rise on their own.
If you’re always pulling them up, they’ll never learn to stand. Let them feel the weight of their own choices sometimes.
The Legacy of Unseen Effort
I remind myself daily: even if I never see the change, my work is not wasted. My words, my lessons, my love—it all leaves an imprint. Whether they realize it now or ten years from now, my influence will be felt.
And maybe one day, long after I’ve stopped teaching them, someone will reach out and say, “I finally understand what you meant. Thank you.”
And until then?
I’ll keep planting seeds.
Because that’s what true leadership is—giving without expecting, leading without forcing, and trusting that your impact, no matter how unseen, is never in vain.