Raising a courageous soul

Sometimes I teach a class full of kids, and it’s not hard to see that some are more courageous than others. Some are just braver, more outgoing, more open, wild, and free. A few years ago I started asking myself why? If who we are, are bound to be through our genes, or if our parents, have anything to do with it?

So I started observing.

I noticed that the children who were happier, and braver oftentimes had funnier parents. Their parents were often playful with them. They greeted their children with playfulness, and their language and communication with their kids were more humorous.

On the other hand, the serious-talking parents often had kids that lacked self-esteem. They needed more of a push from the teachers.

I’m not pointing this out to say that you shouldn’t be how you are. But just putting into perspective the kind of effect language has on your kid’s character.

Simply the way you communicate, how you talk, which words you use to phrase what kind of sentences, have a huge impact on these little kids.

I understand each style has its pros and cons. But it came as a surprise to me when parents would ask me, and say they don’t understand why their kid was acting the way they are. And yet the pressure their language had on their kids was not even in their minds.

Parents, understand that what you choose to say to a kid, will affect the way they behave.

Say a bunch of kids just finished a class,

One of them goes back to their parent at the end, and the parent immediately goes to pick on what the student could have done better, even if it was formed in the healthiest way. And the other parent chose to say ‘‘Wow you were so cool and brave out there’’. Now you can imagine, that the first student, feels belittled, and has no space to make mistakes to grow, so the next class he comes to he will be even more cautious and stressed to perform better, whilst the other student comes back to class feeling cooler than everyone else and participates more than before. Which student do you think will grow quicker?

The one who had its mistakes thrown to his face by the one support group he has?

Or the one who, no matter how he performed got praised that he was loved no matter what.

Kids don’t just listen to your words, they hear what you speak of.

They don’t understand your intention behind what you do, and sacrifice for them. Instead they understand in pattern.

What will my parent say first?

I find that the kids who need more help than the rest, are often overlooked by their favorite people. Either the parents aren’t there, or they just are the calmer, more serious, busy people. Too busy to see the moment. Too busy to recognize the fun and joy. Too focused on raising the best kids, that often they forget, that the approach they choose isn’t always the most helpful to a kid.

When you diminish, belittle, and use criticism as a way to better your kid, you are not bettering them in any way.

You are instead, the reason why they are self-conscious.

Everyone will get better, and learn at their pace anyways, in their own way. Once we accept this, filter what we say, and encourage, encourage, encourage, rather than criticize, each soul will grow and glow differently. They will be free of unnecessary pressure. And in this way, they will throw themselves onto the field of learning, freely, and fully. They will then not fear failure. And as all of us adults know, lessons come after failure. And lessons become our success.

So, if it’s one thing you learn today, let it be to create an atmosphere for your child free of unnecessary pressure. Don’t be the source that ties chains onto your kid’s wings. And encourage them to be brave, tell them that you love them, and will be there with a smile and open arms. That you will not punish them for failing. Joke with them often. Get them used to falling. Because when you are gone, they will fall. Don’t let their first fall, be without you. Don’t let their first failure be so harsh. To raise brave people, we need to educate them that falling, being bullied, and getting hurt are unavoidable things in life, and teach them a way to handle it.