Religion

And my ‘‘my spiritual warfare’’ story

A true story - that has changed my mind, made me acknowledge spirit and connected me to my soul.

It was summer.

Perhaps the beginning of summer.

I was living in a bad area, with a roommate. And I was going through spiritual things that I just couldn’t explain. However given my personality, I was always eager and curious when it came to these topics. Bare with me as I lay out the details:

I was feeling really in tune with my conscience. You know those moments in life when you feel like your existence is more than just physical, and you start to question who you are and what your purpose is. You feel a sense of purpose and notice things happening that seem strangely coincidental, but you don't believe in pure coincidences.

But I was having bad dreams, consistently. I mean really bad. I’d be asleep, and feel a presence enter my home, then I’d get up from where I was laid to go and check. All the details of the house, to my pjs, would be as I remember. But I’d be dreaming.

And as I ‘‘woke up’’ and walked to the door to check, I was met with a man in black. Jeans, sweater, cap, hood on.

He would always give me this look - a look I can’t forget.

A look as if he found someone he was looking for.

A look that sends chills down the spine, and a mind running everywhere you can to find a weapon. We’d be still for a while, then he’d start walking towards me, and things would turn into a blur as I tried to escape reality rather than the place.

As I always had done in my life, when faced with the worst possible situation I’d pray to God that it was just a dream. And I wouldn’t stop praying until I woke up. Always worked, but this time just remembering that didn’t work, I recited about 3 surahs before I finally woke up.

As I woke up, the environment would be exactly as it was in my dream, I’d lay there waiting for the door to creak. In anticipation with all my senses heightened.

This dream repeated itself quite a few times; and coincidentally it was around the time I was doing deep research into faith, belief and ‘religions’ to find my way.

I started doing research with the free and modern mind, of hows and what ifs.

I was a conspiracist for a while even - and I would love to share the dreams I saw in those dreams; but that’s for another time.

Anyway, I didn’t find much in my endeavors, The Bible contradicted itself too many times for my logic-focused brain. Spirituality sounded like it was too young, and other religions’ stories/time periods did not make sense. Buddhism and other practices felt like they were missing something. Islam however, when I started reading the book, writing down questions, and applying it to my experienced life - always seemed to make sense. So at this point, I was praying in the only way I knew how - just simply waiting until everyone was asleep, and talking to God by the window.

That’s all I was doing, literally sitting on a chair and talking to him from my core, after reading the book and written texts and writing my own questions down on a notebook. This was my nightly routine for a while.

I found that the more vulnerable I became the more I felt it. I learned that even crying was like relief from God. The ability to really cry out your worries, we humans don’t do that enough. I mean look at us holding it all in with our prejudgements and mechanisms, that we don’t even know the simple relief that comes from crying; and crying to your Lord, the one and only creator, is a whole different feeling of its own.

I then started feeling negative energies around me much more heavily. Things I was blind to were showing themselves. I’d feel uncomfortable in my own home as if this was not where I belonged. I felt alone - as if I was surrounded by this really dark, negative, energy. Most importantly, people started to show their real intentions; sooner than I wanted. Eventually, I started sniffing out the bad people quite well.

That’s the only way I could explain it but it will all make sense when I tell you once I tell you how shocked I was when I first entered the apartment upstairs from mine.

But your seatbelts on boys and girls, this one’s a wild:

Opening my eyes I felt an energy that was affecting me in such a way it was about to consume my life. It’s like having that bitter taste in your mouth, and thinking I need to spit this out because it could be life or death. I felt that same feeling, of I need to get out or else.. I lay there for a bit scared, covered in my cozy white blanket, almost too afraid to move to press the replay button again. So I didn’t get up until I had a random thought: I need to pray. I got up and prayed. That night I prayed again, this time with a better dua brewing in my brain. I opened up my hands below my face and sat straight.

God, my beautiful God. The one who loves us so much he gave us free will. Allahim, my life is in your hands, keep me on the right path, don’t let me pursue things that aren’t good for me. Allahim, benim guzel Allahim, Ar-Raheem, Al-Quddus, Al-Azeez, Al-Khaaliq, As-Salam, you know me best. You hear me when I can't even distinguish between my thoughts. You see, hear, and love me still. So thank you.

Allahim, I come prostrating to you and only you, today I have a request, Allahim, forgive me for any sins I have committed intentionally and unintentionally. By knowing or association. Allahim, I am sorry,

Ya Rab, forgive those who can’t ask for it for themselves because they’ve passed away.

Allahim I come to you lost, in need of your presence, and mercy. I am in need of your help Allah. I need you, and I’m sorry for walking a different route for a while. Allah, send my best regards to the prophet who has shown us how to be a good person and has taught us how to pray. May you bless his soul.

And Allahim bless my mother for teaching me how to recognize when prayer is what I need to do.

The reason I’m making this dua Allah, is because I am having really bad dreams, and I feel oddly, affected by them in ways I can’t really explain. So please - please help me. Protect me; and as I said this, a vision came to my mind. Now, I do not see visions or images in my head, even if I tried imagining punching someone in the face, I wouldn’t be able to envision it, but this time it was so clear.

I saw this ‘aura’, this luminescent bubble expanding from me and out onto around me. It kept enlarging itself until I could see my whole building and my windows, my apartment floor being protected by this aura. It was really strange but I kept on with my dua. God, please protect me from all evil kind. Anything and anyone that has ill intent, remove them from my life. Protect me from anything and anyone that has evil intentions, heart, and mind. I can only trust you Ya Rabb.

And thank you, for always somehow keeping me unharmed, safe, and protected. Thank you so much.

Please protect me this time too, help me sleep in peace, and live happily and unaffected by anything that isn’t my own. Protect me from evil.

I love you,

Ameen.

A week went by; I didn’t have any bad dreams.

Then one night, at 4am, we heard screaming upstairs. ‘‘Fire, fire’’

I hurried to get my pup, my roommate’s pup, and some clothes out of the building. Being 5’3 and 120lbs I have no idea how I got a cane corso and a golden retriever out in minutes, but man..

Long story short - by the time we evacuated the building and got outside, no one had called 911, so I did. I’m sure you can imagine how much the kitchen fire had grown by now.

By the time they arrived I was watching the flames soar out their windows, and the whole neighborhood had woken up to watch. While I watched the fire, I thought - I’m gonna be homeless. What have I done? What sins could I have committed to get punished like this?

And immediately, my mind went to my prayer, perhaps it was the senseless hours I spent meditating, or reading and digging about faith. Or the countless other religious texts I’d read. And then another thought -

Today is the first night of Ramadan.

On the first day of Ramadan? I’m kicked out of my own living situation? God, how could this be? Every time I come near you I suffer, why?

Heavy words I know, but it was my mindset during that moment. Of course, I am still a very calm person, I wasn’t crying, nor throwing a tantrum, I was trying to handle the situation, but a part of me felt cheated.

So, fast forward - a week or two went by and we were allowed to come back to see the apartments. ‘‘Hey, I have to go upstairs to check the apartment’s condition, do you wanna accompany me? Asked my friend - the landlord. Of course I was curious, but not prepared for what was to come.

As soon as I entered the neighbor’s apartment, my face flushed. The hair on my arms went up, and the bitter taste in my mouth came back.

Upon entering, I was met with mini ceramic statues of the devil, woman figures, and a bunch of demonic objects on the countertops and table. And the most weirdly placed doll stuffed into the hole in the wall.

I had this very strange feeling of realizing what had just happened. I was in a spiritual warfare. Every night I did more research into faith, I was visited by those guys. And every dream I’d escape by reciting the Quran. I immediately remembered my dua. That dua and the protective aura orb that expanded from me and went all around the outlines of my apartment. My room was. untouched, and luckily, so was our apartment. No damage by the fire, or the water. I honestly couldn’t believe it, but the best part is yet to come.

The landlord told me that the tenants wouldn’t be able to come back again. That was the best part. Because it meant no more warfare, no more bad dreams.

I mean, right that second, I wanted to run back into my room and pray the longest apology I could say to God. I was so sorry for doubting his plan and blaming and torturing myself while experiencing the journey.

There were more facts to help draw out the type of people that were living upstairs from me, but, I’ll leave those out and end this on a very important note here.

When making a dua, perform it properly. Have sabr (patience) when going through a journey, because there is khair. God’s blessings are so so real, and you may not get what you ask for on little things right away, but when it comes to matters as such, he doesn’t neglect us for sure. He is one powerful being.

So my friends, if you’ve finished it till here, good job…

And have sabr. Do pray, but choose to obey God out of love not fear fear. Because he is the ever-loving, the giver of the best gifts, all-knowing, and the omniscient.

And this, is my share, on my why.

True Story.

I hope God blesses you today <3

Thank you.